Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Do the Right Thing. It will gratify some people and astound the rest.
-- Mark Twain

We'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter!

"Tento film je urcen opravdu tem nejmensim detem."
Po filmu Jan Trnka prohodi ke svemu sousedovi:
"Takhle maly deti snad ani nejsou."

Ruch's Theorem: Behind every great writer there lies a disgruntled father, a
bemused law professor, and a grandmother cheerfully steeped in the unreal.

Kdo nekradl drive, nekrade ani ted.
-- Karel Capek po Mnichovu

Pravda bez lasky je fanatizmus.

Člověk nemůže vyhrát všechny bitvy, do kterých se pustí, ale ty, do kterých se
nepustí, určitě nevyhraje.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
-- A. Kay

Omlouvam se za duplicity, nejak se mi to za ten cas asi v zapisnicku zprehazelo.

Každý chce být šťastný. Aby toho dosáhl,
musí především vědět, co vlastně štěstí je.
-- Rousseau

Život je neobratně sestavená hostina, při níž se netrpělivě
čeká na předkrm, zatím co kolem přešla v tichu hlavní pečeně.
-- Kafka

The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
-- Alan Coult

Existují dvě pravdy, z nichž jedna nesmí býti nikdy vyslovena.
-- Albert Camus

Bishop Arnaud-Amaury at the fallen town of Beziers, 1206 AD, when asked by a
military commander how he should differentiate heretics from good catholics
replied with the following: "Kill them all, God will know his own."

Nemecka firma Siemens skoupila vsechny pozemky v okoli JE Cernobyl a osazela je
cockou. Siemens hodla v pristim roce cocku sklidit a prodavat ji jako baterie
do hodinek.

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
-- H.L. Mencken

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-- Wynn Catlin

Talent does what it can.

Genius does what it must.

You do what you get paid to do.

Ovšem mnohem lépe graficky v originále.

http://www.vomit.com/ :

chuck it's a perfect 10 on the linda blair scale!!!!! it's better the 2nd time re-checking your groceries re-doing lunch braaaaccchhhhhhhh! read my lips loading up the doggy bag!!! praising the porcelain goddess oral target practice chamar juca standing on a corner selling . . . buicks thank thanking the toilet tear thar she blows!!!...... wharfing sharing sharing lunch with the dogs sharing the wealth snarping kvas flash the hash! beat me heave heave ho heavin' the ho ho's leaving an offering on the big white alter leaving trail markers l'barfo gobble bobble a belch to far embrace porcelain baby food macack michael j. fox technicolor yawn technicolour yawn upchuch upchuck a chunder from down under (kiwi style- newzealand) uncivil forfeiture of the stroganoff cock puck sick up gack'a'rack licking the ashtray cockroach offering uncle dick oncologic offering second course-pureed decorating porcelain secret of chemo diet success recycled meatloaf god this sucks! sidewaik food sidewalk pizza rodham sodomizing a sheep with a pitchfork the big spit ose down the vault the fountain of spewth the gift that keeps on giving the nose-mouth connection (when spewing milk) the queen's christmas message the supermodel sound-off the willies ote your conscience pre-hangover post-bottle prayer speaking in tongues feed the fish feeding the fish eeeeewww! freeing the tater tots from their gastric prison kneel before the porcelain altar feeling chunderful vuelvo el estomago chemo gift opening ceremonies uper deluxe reverse fooderator overgeven (that's dutch) egest wretch wretch gag splat beeting spew spewburger chewing backwards chewing your cud huey!!! food recycler refund gag-o-rama negative chug begging god while kneeling at the porcelain alter hugging the porcelain queen hugging the porcelain receptical lego your eggo regreeting eating regreeting your grits regurgitating yogurt flush (whispered) "taste the rainbow..." t-i-h-s (shit backwards) acid flavored stew swill spilling a pizza spilling cookies spillout out your intestinal goodge doin' the buchanan acceptance speech doin' the chunkeroo doin' the chunkeroo! being a translator for the united nations being momma bird bringing back the baby carrot whistling beef shit in reverse spitting tarts shitty drive the porcelain bus driving the bus driving the porcelain bus deja food deja spew yak gak puke make an alimentary u-turn ruked makin' takeout making a call to ralph! from europe! making chow-mein making gravy making love to the porcelain making sidewalk cookies making street pizza taking the take-out out taking your groceries for a swim url val url all things re-considered splash belches with speedbumps bile pile bile surf bile-ence (bile + violence) bulemeate bulemic symphony rolf half processed shit malign bulimerize relive dinner deliver a copy of the starr report to the porcelain chamber deliver a street pizza delivering a bile baby talkin' to th' little people talkin' trash talking head talking in the big phone! talking norwegian talking on the great white telephone talking on the porcelain telephone talking to god on the big white phone! talking to ralph on the big white phone talking to the big white telephone talking to the flowers. ... talking to the seals call the dinosaurs hillary clinton selling buicks selling buicks to chuck calling earl calling huey yelling new york at the sidewalk selling the buick calling the dolphins calling the irish -- you know o'rourke, o'rourke uploading ralph ralph and earl going to europe in a buick rolph, beulah, george 'n bjork! waltzing with ralph and earl splurg splurge bolus back up bhluuuugh vem 3 minutes to great abs vomit vamit amita vomit ink blot test vomit master vomita vomiturition vomitus bommel chmod tomorrow's breakfast jan 4,2000 a chunder from down under (kiwi style- newzealand) jenbec lancer mes biscuits dancing with buckets conduct an internal audit lung butter hanging a food rope hanging chad penis honk! honkin' connecting the carrots rented lunch anything in quotes broar hooark!! food escape food inspection woof choke groceries looking at the bottom of the bucket looking real close for toilet bowl ring! biolence from the stomach, past the gums, look out family here it comes! stomach gravy stomache surfers *food to your brain* uh-oh! asshole's blocked! take the front door!!! anorexate whork a chunk boot protein spill shout at your shoes spout fruit hoover! blow beans blow beet blow chucks blow chunks blow chunks! show your breakfast chowder chunder blowin chunks blowing beets blowing chow blowing chunks blowing liquid kisses to the china goddess blowing your biscuits blowing your cookies brown urp, slop, bring the mop! supermodel'd liquid laugh air the diced carrots miracle weight loss program karaoke spray spray painting the toilet here's ral..ph! where's johnny? scream a rainbow scream at the submarines scream to the porcelain lord! karencarpentry marf harf barf surfacing that last sub horfing barfing belly-bombers barfing up a lung garfunkle purge product purge! gurgling stomach gargling the gouda gorilla growl airing out one's gastric contents airing out the oats christmas cheer horizontal liquid grafitti perk hork perk bark 'n park hork some chunkeys barking at ants barking at the ants jerking out your jujubees working the abs gorking up the four food groups hurl earl hurl earl hurl!!! strong throw a map throw the old man out throw up throwibg cheezeballs throwin' groceries throwing up yarp verp garp! burping churds surrendering your digestive fortitude carrot fountain urrrp! bbrrrraaaaacccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! worshipping at the temple of overindulgence worshipping the great white god worshipping the porcelain buddha participating in reverse gastronomy perversi pbs-puke broadcasting system b-schpillendanoogets rosco desecrate heaven disgorge bush has just won! cashin' out the atm visiting hackensack piss toss your cookies tossing cookies kissing the porsalin god tossing what is good in this world tossing your cookies last night's leftovers revisited last night's leftovers revisited, revisited cast up accounts tastin' road kill casting your vote issuing a decree gut flush hot lunch bit spit total recall retch pitching your porridge vote brak internal shit hurl o the california roll muti colour chunks of shite on me dashboard eating backwards kotsen (that's dutch) letting it all come out you just said a mouthful touched by the goddess chuck chuck-e-cookies! chucking blue-cheese breath spuewwwwww kcuf akdov kcuf timov laugh at the footpath cough chunks cough critters cough up a furball chumming chumming fish launch lunch launching one's macnuggets bouncing rubber food round trip meal ticket chunder chunder down shunking slurp, burp, and urp mouth diareah mouth fart buuuuuuiiiiiccccck spuuuuuu nov 2, 1999 - ruked have a laugh at the ground have an accident pavement pizza pavement pizza!!!! reverse chug reverse gears reverse peristalsis having a huge penis in your nose having a laugh at the ground having an oral movement giving focus group feedback giving it all you've got! having lunch the second time giving the sardines a better view giving the toilet a message saving vince foster revisiting the rhubarb oww (cantonese for vomit!) www.fark.com bowel acid after dinner mint power chunder rewinding dinner bowing to the porcelain god hawking howling at the moon downloading saying goodbye to hurley paying homage to the porcelain goddess paying homage to the white porcelain god pizza capricciosa pizza margherita yak

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Ovšemže věřím ve slepé štěstí. Jak jinak bych si mohl vysvětlit
úspěchy lidí, které nemám rád.
-- Cocteau

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. My advice to you is to have nothing
whatever to do with it.
-- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words

Evolution (n): A hypothetical process whereby infinitely improbable events
occur with alarming frequency, order arises from chaos, and no one is given
credit.

<Mutiny> I'm having this teeny problem and I want to know if somebody can help
me with it..
<mjd> mutiny: Sever the main neck tendons before cutting through the spinal
cord. That will allow you more opportunity to separate the vertebrae prior to
removing the head.

Absence in love is like water upon fire; a little quickens, but much
extinguishes it.
-- Hannah More

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-- Wynn Catlin

Talent does what it can.
Genius does what it must.
You do what you get paid to do.

The important thing is not to stop questioning. --Albert Einstein

It can hardly be coincidence that the prime operating system of choice of the
'open source supremacists' - Linux, features commands which are poorly
disguised racist acronyms. For example: 'awk' (All White Klan) , 'sed' (shoot
nEgroes dead), 'ln' (lynch negroes), 'rpm' (raical purity mandatory), 'bash'
(bring a slave home), 'ps' (persecute sambo), 'mount' (murder or unseat nubians
today), 'fsck' (favored supreme Christian klan). I could go on and on about the
latent racist symbolism in Linux, but I fear it would take weeks to enumerate
every incidence.

Bishop Arnaud-Amaury at the fallen town of Beziers, 1206 AD, when asked by a
military commander how he should differentiate heretics from good catholics
replied with the following: "Kill them all, God will know his own."

Bylo jedenatricatyho dubna a ja nedokazala usnout. Myslela jsem na tebe, a pak se mi o tobe zdalo. V tom snu to nebylo v poradku a ja se bala... Probudila jsem se a nahmatla mobil a tam smska, zes to prehnal s pitim a ze nemuzes prijet. Brecela jsem a pak jsem se rozhodla, ze za tebou prijedu, protoze... Prece kvuli takove malickosti nezahodim den. Utrhla jsem pred domem vetvicku tresni. Zvadla ve vlaku a skoncila v kosi na brnenskym nadrazi. Ale co na tom zalezi... Prochazka kolem prehrady, pak se posadit... Zkouset to a zkouset a nakonec - misto polibku - jen smich. Diky za ten smich. :-*

Eddie Barzoon! Eddie Barzoon! Ha! I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine
rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. God's creature, right? God's special
creature? Ha! And I've warned him, Kevin, I've warned him every step of the
way. Watching him bounce around like a fucking game, like a wind-up toy! Like
250 pounds of self-serving greed on wheels! The next thousand years is right
around the corner, Kevin, and Eddie Barzoon--take a good look. Because he's
the poster child for the next millennium! These people, it's no mystery where
they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it could
split atoms with its desire, you build egos the size of cathedrals,
fiberopticly connect the world to every-eager-impulse, grease even the dullest
dreams with these dollar-green gold-played fantasies until every human becomes
an aspiring emperor! Becomes his own God! Where can you go from there? And as
for scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As
the air thickens, the water sours, even the bees honey takes on the metallic
taste of radioactivity--and it just keeps coming! And it just keeps coming!
Faster and faster! There's no chance to think, to prepare, it's `buy futures,
sell futures' when there is no future!! We've got a runaway train, boy!! We've
got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of them
reading to fist-fuck God's ex-planet, lick their fingers clean as they reach
out with their pristine cybernetic keyboards to total up their billable
hours!! And then it hits home! It's a little late in the game to buy out now!!
Your belly's too full, your dick is sore, your eyes are bloodshot, and you're
screaming for someone to help!! But guess what? There's no one there!! You're
all alone, Eddie!! You're God's special little creature!!

Who, in their right mind Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was
entirely mine? All of it.

methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylglutamin-
ylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolyl-
phenylalanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglu-
taminylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanyl-
glycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylphenylala-
nylserylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonylisoleucylgluta-
minylasparaginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylphenylalanylalanylalanylgly-
cylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcysteinylphenylalanylglutamylmethionyl-
leucylalanylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleu-
cylprolylisoleucylglycylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylva-
lylphenylalanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenylalanyltyro-
sylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylglycylvalylaspartylserylvalylleu-
cylvalylalanylaspartylvalylprolylvalylglutaminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphe-
nylalanylarginylglutaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylala-
nylprolylisoleucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylas-
partylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosyl-
glycylarginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycyl-
valylthreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleu-
cylasparaginylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasparagi-
nylalanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylse-
rylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanyl-
glycylalanylalanylglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleucylvalylly-
sylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylpro-
lylglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalanylvalyl-
glutaminylprolylmethionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine, n.:
The chemical name for tryptophan synthetase A protein, a
1,913-letter enzyme with 267 amino acids.
-- Mrs. Byrne\'s Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and
Preposterous Words

The computer is a lot closer.
-- world chess champion Gary Kasparov on the odds of a woman earning his title

1. At least 5 people in this world, love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don\'t like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. Without you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique, in your own way.
9. Someone that you don\'t know even exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned it\'s back on you, take a look, you
most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you
probably won\'t get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner
or later will get it.
13. Always remember complements you received, forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel, then they\'ll know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that.

Cely svet je plny pohody,
hrosi skaci sipky do vody,
ryby zpivaji na brehu arie,
kocka s krysou tancuje,
na svete je dobre,
nikdo sa nenudi,
na svete je dobre,
bez lidi..

wicked@hysteria.sk

Kdyby Buh neexistoval, musel by se vymyslet. -- Voltaire

It does not do harm to the mystery to know a little about it. -- Richard Feynman

Ve vestibulu měla být umístěna žárovka a po zvolení správného místa jsem
nařídil montérovi, aby připojil dráty. Po chvíli práce došel k závěru, že to
musí konzultovat s inženýrem a také to udělal. Inženýr měl několik připomínek,
ale nakonec souhlasil, že lampa by měla být umístěna dva palce od místa, které
jsem označil já, načež montér pokračoval v práci. Potom inženýr začal mít
starosti a řekl mi, že bychom to měli oznámit inspektoru Averdeckovi. Zavolali
jsme tedy tuto důležitou osobu, která záležitost přezkoumala, prodiskutovala a
rozhodla, že lampa by měla být umístěna o dva palce zpět, což bylo místo, jež
jsem prve označil já! To ale nebylo všechno; Averdeck mi oznámil, že o této
věci informoval vrchního inspektora Hieronimuse a že bych měl počkat na jeho
rozhodnutí. Vrchní inspektor se však z důvodu naléhavých povinností mohl
uvolnit až za několik dní, ale nakonec přišel a následovala dvouhodinová
debata, po níž rozhodl posunout lampu o dva palce dopředu. Mé naděje, že toto
rozhodnutí je konečné, se rozplynuly, když se vrchní inspektor ke mě obrátil a
řekl mi, \"Regierunsrath Funke je příliš puntičkářský, že si netroufám dát
příkaz k umístění této lampy bez jeho výslovného schválení.\" Byly tudíž učiněny
přípravy na návštěvu tohoto významného muže. Začali jsme uklízet již časně ráno
a když Funke přišel se svojí družinou, byl slavnostně přijat. Po dvou hodinách
rozmýšlení náhle zvolal, \"Už musím jít!\", ukázal rukou na místo na stropě a
nařídil mi umístit lampu tam. Bylo to přesně ono místo, které jsem původně
vybral já!

-- Nikola Tesla