Archimedes
I have never set up for a genius myself, but I know of a
mechanical force more powerful than anything the vaunting engineer
Archimedes of Syracuse ever dreamed of. It is the force of land
monopoly; it is a screw and lever all in one; it will screw the
last penny out of a man's pocket, and bend everything on earth to
its own despotic will. Give me the private ownership of all the
land, and will I move the earth? No; but I will do more. I will
undertake to make slaves of all the human beings on the face of
it. Not chattel slaves exactly, but slaves nevertheless. What an
idiot I would be to make chattel slaves of them. I would have to
find them salts and senna when they were sick, and whip them to
work when they were lazy.
No, it is not good enough. Under the system I propose the fools
would imagine they were all free. I would get a maximum of
results, and have no responsibility whatever. They would cultivate
the soil; they would dive into the bowels of the earth for its
hidden treasures; they would build cities and construct railways
and telegraphs; their ships would navigate the ocean; they would
work and work, and invent and contrive; their warehouses would be
full, their markets glutted, and:
The beauty of the whole concern would be
That everything they made would belong to me.
It would be this way, you see: As I owned all the land, they would
of course, have to pay me rent. They could not reasonably expect
me to allow them the use of the land for nothing. I am not a hard
man, and in fixing the rent I would be very liberal with them. I
would allow them, in fact, to fix it themselves. What could be
fairer? Here is a piece of land, let us say, it might be a farm,
it might be a building site, or it might be something else - if
there was only one man who wanted it, of course he would not offer
me much, but if the land be really worth anything such a
circumstance is not likely to happen. On the contrary, there would
be a number who would want it, and they would go on bidding and
bidding one against the other, in order to get it. I should accept
the highest offer - what could be fairer? Every increase of
population, extension of trade, every advance in the arts and
sciences would, as we all know, increase the value of land, and
the competition that would naturally arise would continue to force
rents upward, so much so, that in many cases the tenants would
have little or nothing left for themselves.
In this case a number of those who were hard pushed would seek to
borrow, and as for those who were not so hard pushed, they would,
as a matter of course, get the idea into their heads that if they
only had more capital they could extend their operations, and
thereby make their business more profitable. Here I am again. The
very man they stand in need of; a regular benefactor of my
species, and always ready to oblige them. With such an enormous
rent-roll I could furnish them with funds up to the full extent of
the available security; they would not expect me to do more, and
in the matter of interest I would be equally generous.
I would allow them to fix the rate of it themselves in precisely
the same manner as they had fixed the rent. I should then have
them by the wool, and if they failed in their payments it would be
the easiest thing in the world to sell them out. They might bewail
their lot, but business is business. They should have worked
harder and been more provident. Whatever inconvenience they might
suffer, it would be their concern, and not mine. What a glorious
time I would have of it! Rent and interest, interest and rent, and
no limit to either, excepting the ability of the workers to pay.
Rents would go up and up, and they would continue to pledge and
mortgage, and as they went bung, bung, one after another, it would
be the finest sport ever seen. thus, from the simple leverage of
land monopoly, not only the great globe itself, but everything on
the face of it would eventually belong to me. I would be king and
lord of all, and the rest of mankind would be my most willing
slaves.
It hardly needs to be said that it would not be consistent with my
dignity to associate with the common rank and file of humanity; it
would not be politic to say so, but, as a matter of fact, I not
only hate work but I hate those who do work, and I would not have
their stinking carcasses near me at any price. High above the
contemptible herd I would sit enthroned amid a circle of devoted
worshippers. I would choose for myself companions after my own
heart. I would deck them with ribbons and gewgaws to tickle their
vanity; they would esteem it an honour to kiss my glove, and would
pay homage to the very chair that I sat upon; brave men would die
for me, parsons would pray for me, and bright-eyed beauty would
pander to my pleasures. For the proper management of public
affairs I would have a parliament, and for the preservation of law
and order there would be soldiers and policemen, all sworn to
serve me faithfully; their pay would not be much, but their high
sense of duty would be a sufficient guarantee that they would
fulfil the terms of the contract.
Outside the charmed circle of my society would be others eagerly
pressing forward in the hope of sharing my favours; outside of
these would be others again who would be forever seeking to
wriggle themselves into the ranks of those in front of them, and
so on, outward and downward, until we reach the deep ranks of the
workers forever toiling and forever struggling merely to live, and
with the hell of poverty forever threatening to engulf them. The
hell of poverty, that outer realm of darkness where there is
weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth - the social Gehenna,
where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched - here is a
whip more effective by far than the keenest lash of the chattel
slave owner, urging them on by day, haunting their dreams by
night, draining without stint the life blood from their veins, and
pursuing them with relentless constancy to their graves. In the
buoyancy of youth many would start full of hope and with high
expectations; but, as they journeyed along, disappointment would
follow disappointment, hope would gradually give place to despair,
the promised cup of joy would be turned to bitterness, and the
holiest affection would become a poisoned arrow quivering in the
heart!
What a beautiful arrangement - ambition urging in front, want and
the fear of want bringing up the rear! In the conflicting
interests that would be involved, in the throat-cutting
competition that would prevail, in the bitterness that would be
engendered between man and man, husband and wife, father and son,
I should, of course, have no part. There would be lying and
cheating, harsh treatment by masters, dishonesty of servants,
strikes and lockouts, assaults and intimidation, family feuds and
interminable broils; but they would not concern Me. In the serene
atmosphere of my earthly paradise I would be safe from all evil. I
would feast on the daintiest of dishes, and sip wines of the
choicest vintage; my gardens would have the most magnificent
terraces and the finest walks. I would roam mid the umbrageous
foliage of the trees, the blooming flowers, the warbling of birds,
the jetting of fountains, and the splashing of pellucid waters. My
palace would have its walls of alabaster and domes of crystal,
there would be furniture of the most exquisite workmanship,
carpets and hangings of the richest fabrics and finest textures,
carvings and paintings that were miracles of art, vessels of gold
and silver, gems of the purest ray glittering in their settings,
the voluptuous strains of the sweetest music, the perfume of
roses, the softest of couches, a horde of titled lackeys to come
and go at my bidding, and a perfect galaxy of beauty to stimulate
desire, and administer to my enjoyment. Thus would I pass the
happy hours away, while throughout the world it would be a
hallmark of respectability to extol my virtues, and anthems would
be everywhere sung in praise.
Archimedes never dreamt of anything like that. Yet, with the earth
for my fulcrum and its private ownership for my lever, it is all
possible. If it should be said that the people would eventually
detect the fraud, and with swift vengeance hurl me and all my
courtly parasites to perdition, I answer, "Nothing of the kind,
the people are as good as gold, and would stand it like bricks -
and I appeal to the facts of today to bear me witness."
Mark Twain (1887)