“Fear of Missing Out” (FOMO) can take many forms. You might be at a party talking with someone, and there’s an underlying anxiety that you’re missing out on all the other conversations going on. Maybe you’re interested in movies, and you scan the reviews, trying to make sure you learn about every last one, with an underlying sense of urgency, you don’t want to miss a single good one. Maybe you’re weeding the garden, and though you’ve been working hard, your time has run out and there are still weeds, you’ve missed some, you feel unsettled. You may be studying a topic and gathering information, and though you’ve given it quite a bit of time, there is an unpleasant feeling of it being incomplete.
You may have an attitude that you need to get the most out of your day, and pack it with great activities, but somewhere in the process of trying to get the most out of your day, you lose the ease of the day. Maybe you have a house or garage so full of things that you can’t find anything, can’t use your garage, but are afraid of letting go of something in case you might need it some day…but of course, when that day comes, you can’t find it.
We may be so anxious about missing out on important articles, or books – and even meditation books – that we rush through them so we can get to the next one.
The fear of missing out is sometimes related and intertwined with the feeling of not being good enough. Life isn’t good enough right now, we’re not good enough, we’re not doing a good enough job. An anxiety that if we make one choice, we miss out on the others.
This mental attitude can be a background attitude that colors our life and keeps us from fully relaxing into the moment, even when we are doing things we enjoy. Sometimes it comes out of clinging to desire. Wanting to be part of “all” the conversations…. Sometimes it comes out of fear, that if we relax and are happy and at ease, maybe we won’t do what’s needed.
There is this erroneous idea that if we didn’t miss out then we’d be happy. But it’s not possible to be part of all the conversations, to get all the weeds, to get all the information on a topic (especially in this age when googling the word “meditation” results in over 55 million pages.)
We can explore this recurring attitude, experience it in our bodies, and incline towards letting it go. By being mindful of this mental-state we are stepping outside of it, allowing spaciousness, and being at peace with this “fear of missing out.”