english. i spent last four days in bed, watching but movies - switched off czech subs, turned eng on instead. add lonelines, i feel almost epic. yes, like i was in a movie.
thing are getting changed, yes!
must kick the habit, it`s a necessity. bad news is, my cells, they want it more and so forth.
my fucking arm is shaking for it, like it has a conciousness!
i could start counting these shouting blocks of cells..
let them have three months to completely change. to forget. to die and not to remember.
search for pleasure in other types of awkwardness and curiosity..than that, which was to me like a sirens voices for my whole fucking life, from the day i became conscious at the age of teen.
ther has to be more sort of this. more kind.
...more soft, more kind...more soothing..
momentarily, i don`t feel physically bad. even if, that would not be the problem, as we know, problem as it it allways, stays Keeping out of. Powders. And everything.
Burroughs himself didn`t say it first, the Godfather, Pharao of all Junkys, Queers and Weird Pleasure seekers.
Could anyone borrow me a camera?
And could anyone tell me, how to deal with people?
I`m afreaid of them. And most of them i can`t stand for a longer time, i get exhausted, then feel guilty, and the others, the just bore me so much, so much.
I wonder, maybe it is in me, that i just have to learn how to treat them right.
I dunno.
Has been practically an outsider for the most of my life.
Only when i got manic things seemed to fit, to be right on it`s places (in the world),
but objectivelly, i can`t tell.
I`ve got to end this, so, bye, and have a good night all of ya.