Mills: Chlapi, pojďte mi udělat zeď. Nejde mi to, když se na mě Lenny dívá.
Lenny: Tak co, chce se ti?

(Simpsons, Homer barmanem)

Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend, he knows; he and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Perhaps you're afraid of something? Huh. And Bob? When are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for was filled months ago! It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your 'colleague' Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna go ahead and do it for ya, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah! And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protégé, here...

J.D.: [thinking] Oh, please God, no.

Jordan: I slept with him... and it was good - oh! How's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye!

(Scrubs)

Jim Hacker: Napoleon prize?

Bill (Foreign Secretary): Yes it's a NATO award given once every five years, big ceremony in Brussels, gold medal, £100 000. The PM's the front runner this time, it's for the statesman who's made the biggest contribution to European unity.

Sir Humphrey: Since Napoleon, that is if you don't count Hitler.

(Yes, Minister. On Foreign Policy)

Bend me!

(Bender, Futurama)

Yes I know, but thats a different kind. There is bad asbestos, and tehre is nice asbestos.

BB

Look at that poor man. Not only has he just been screwed by a giant eye, he's now giving birth.

(Security, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace)

Which one of you bitches wants to dance?
(Bernard, BB)

My name is Bender Bending Rodriguez!

'It's just boobs lady, you see them in the mirror every day.' MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE

Oh, it´s me. Having an orgasm.

Fran: Let's go out for Sunday lunch.
Bernard: All right.
Manny: Where? Where?
Fran: There's this new place, very in -The Mortuary. No vegetables, everything's
dead animals on little headstones.
Bernard: Why does it have to be fancy?
I just want sausage, mash and a bit of cake. Not twigs fried in honey
or a donkey in a coffin.

(Black Books, season 2)

SEOMAN: Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny!

(Bender, Futurama)

7:0

:D

Oh God, look at me having sex with a pig. I've become my father.

(Stewie Griffin, Family Guy)

I am Bender. Please insert girder.

(Futurama, season 2)

Gay musical called Gay
Thats quite gay
This must be gayest musical ever made
Oh no its set in the 80s

:D

“What, you got a problem with Ricky?”
“No no no, sleep with everyone in the office, he’s not even a permanent member of staff. I’d have preferred it if you’d slept with Gareth.”
"Wouldn’t happen.”
“Oh why, ‘cos he didn't go to university?”
“No, ‘cos he's a little weasel-faced arse.”
“Ah, you could do worse than Gareth, he hasn't missed one day, and don’t call my second in command an arse-faced weasel-”
“A weasel-faced arse.”
“Same thing.”
“Well no it’s not. Would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?”
“Weasel probably”

(office)

Woman: Have you got anything without Spam?
Waitress: Well, there's Spam egg sausage and Spam, that's not got much Spam in it.
Woman: I don't want any Spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon Spam and sausage?
Woman: That's got Spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much Spam in it as Spam egg sausage and Spam, has it?
Woman: Look, can I've egg bacon Spam and sausage without the Spam?
Waitress: Ueegh.
Woman: What do you mean "Ueegh"? I don't like Spam!
Vikings: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spammity Spam! Wonderful Spam!

(Monty Python's Flying Circus)