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    PAVLOSComedy Zone :: Quotes from the British and American Sitcoms
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    Mills: Chlapi, pojďte mi udělat zeď. Nejde mi to, když se na mě Lenny dívá.
    Lenny: Tak co, chce se ti?

    (Simpsons, Homer barmanem)
    DEMENCE
    DEMENCE --- ---
    Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend, he knows; he and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Perhaps you're afraid of something? Huh. And Bob? When are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for was filled months ago! It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your 'colleague' Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna go ahead and do it for ya, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah! And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protégé, here...

    J.D.: [thinking] Oh, please God, no.

    Jordan: I slept with him... and it was good - oh! How's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye!

    (Scrubs)
    DEMENCE
    DEMENCE --- ---
    Jim Hacker: Napoleon prize?

    Bill (Foreign Secretary): Yes it's a NATO award given once every five years, big ceremony in Brussels, gold medal, £100 000. The PM's the front runner this time, it's for the statesman who's made the biggest contribution to European unity.

    Sir Humphrey: Since Napoleon, that is if you don't count Hitler.

    (Yes, Minister. On Foreign Policy)
    7FLAMES
    7FLAMES --- ---
    Bend me!

    (Bender, Futurama)
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    Yes I know, but thats a different kind. There is bad asbestos, and tehre is nice asbestos.

    BB
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    Look at that poor man. Not only has he just been screwed by a giant eye, he's now giving birth.

    (Security, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace)
    TIGRE
    TIGRE --- ---
    Which one of you bitches wants to dance?
    (Bernard, BB)
    PAVLOS
    PAVLOS --- ---
    My name is Bender Bending Rodriguez!
    DRAT
    DRAT --- ---
    'It's just boobs lady, you see them in the mirror every day.' MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
    WOOK
    WOOK --- ---
    "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch."

    (Stewie Griffin, FG)
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    We'll need these bananas for when the radiation turns us all into monkeys!
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    Oh, it´s me. Having an orgasm.
    ORGANA
    ORGANA --- ---
    Fran: Let's go out for Sunday lunch.
    Bernard: All right.
    Manny: Where? Where?
    Fran: There's this new place, very in -The Mortuary. No vegetables, everything's
    dead animals on little headstones.
    Bernard: Why does it have to be fancy?
    I just want sausage, mash and a bit of cake. Not twigs fried in honey
    or a donkey in a coffin.

    (Black Books, season 2)
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    SEOMAN: Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny!

    (Bender, Futurama)
    SEOMAN
    SEOMAN --- ---
    7:0

    :D
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    Oh God, look at me having sex with a pig. I've become my father.

    (Stewie Griffin, Family Guy)
    PAVLOS
    PAVLOS --- ---
    I am Bender. Please insert girder.

    (Futurama, season 2)
    SEOMAN
    SEOMAN --- ---
    Gay musical called Gay
    Thats quite gay
    This must be gayest musical ever made
    Oh no its set in the 80s

    :D
    TIGRE
    TIGRE --- ---
    “What, you got a problem with Ricky?”
    “No no no, sleep with everyone in the office, he’s not even a permanent member of staff. I’d have preferred it if you’d slept with Gareth.”
    "Wouldn’t happen.”
    “Oh why, ‘cos he didn't go to university?”
    “No, ‘cos he's a little weasel-faced arse.”
    “Ah, you could do worse than Gareth, he hasn't missed one day, and don’t call my second in command an arse-faced weasel-”
    “A weasel-faced arse.”
    “Same thing.”
    “Well no it’s not. Would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?”
    “Weasel probably”

    (office)
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    Woman: Have you got anything without Spam?
    Waitress: Well, there's Spam egg sausage and Spam, that's not got much Spam in it.
    Woman: I don't want any Spam!
    Man: Why can't she have egg bacon Spam and sausage?
    Woman: That's got Spam in it!
    Man: Hasn't got as much Spam in it as Spam egg sausage and Spam, has it?
    Woman: Look, can I've egg bacon Spam and sausage without the Spam?
    Waitress: Ueegh.
    Woman: What do you mean "Ueegh"? I don't like Spam!
    Vikings: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spammity Spam! Wonderful Spam!

    (Monty Python's Flying Circus)
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