Dan "When are you going to fuck him?"
Claire "I’m looking around his office, DAD!"
Dan "Yeah. You’re going to fuck an idiot."

- Claire and Dan Ashcroft @ Nathan Barley

Claire "Is that Doug Rocket?"
Toby "Mr. Doug Rocket to me, yeah."
Nathan "He set that place."
Toby "Yeah, you know, his stuff."
Claire "Very-phonix?"
Toby "Really a genius. You know, that they’re only band ever to knock themselves of the top of the charts with the same record?"
Claire "How?"
Toby "I don’t know, it’s in France."

- Claire Ashcroft, Nathan Barley and Toby @ Nathan Barley

Mudd "Ashcroft, you’ve been checking out Barley’s website?"
Dan "No."
Ned "Oh, yeah yeah.... He invented this game called cock-muff-bumhole?"
Rufus "Nathan invented it on his website, yeah?"
Ned "Yeah, have you played it yet?"
Dan "No?"
Rufus "Watch this:
(brilliant)
"Oooh!"
"Muffs mothers cock!"
"Oh your bumhole just fired at my muff!"
Mudd "It’s: cock, muff, bumhole."
Dan "Genius."
Rufus "I’ve seen idiots playing this, yeah?"
Ned "That is funny, mate."
Rufus "They don’t realize it’s not good, cos its rude, yeah?"
Ned "It’s good, cos it looks like it’s good, because it’s rude."

- SugarApe crew @ Nathan Barley

When are you going to fuck him?
I’m looking around his office, DAD!
Yeah.
You’re going to fuck an idiot.

- Claire and Dan Ashcroft @ Nathan Barley

Explain to me a organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring this is a couch because the evidence suggest the coffe table is having a tiny garage sale.

- Sheldon @ Big Bang Theory

'Bart, a woman is just like a powerplant, all you have to do is read the manual and push the right buttons.'

(Homer Simpson @ The Simpsons)

"There's private life and there's work. It's usually a pretty good idea to keep these two hells separated."

(Scrubs)

'In order to enjoy, don't be scared.'

it's not exactly a joke, but I do remember this one from a documentary where a guy talked about life .]

Gary Vaughan: "" A best friend is someone who when you show up at their door with a dead body they say nothing, grab a shovel and follow you! ""

Jim: Most of our journalists are so incompetent they'd have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today is Wednesday.
Bernard: It's actually Thursday.
Jim: (points to door)

(yes, minister)

HANTA: the simpsons

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Ari Gold: [getting off the couch]
[shouts]
Ari Gold: Lloyd!
Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you understand me.
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to swear your undying loyalty to me.
Lloyd: Ari...
Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari.
Ari Gold: Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents - discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now go.
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency...
Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go.

(Entourage)