Judge Harm: Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated. Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.
Homer: Mmmm.. Garnish.

Sheldon: 'I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.'

(Big Bang Theory:)

Manny: "ooh, ooh, ooh"
Bernard: "what's up with you?"
Manny: "I get terrible cramp when I'm stressed"
Bernard: "So don't be stressed. Why are you stressed?"
Manny: "Because I open the fridge door there are shin bandages next to the cheese."
Bernard: "That's just a little..."
Manny: "There's jam in the bath"
Bernard: "Oh, come on!"
Manny: "You are a filth wizard, a friend only to the pig and the rat"
(Manny's opening a pizza box) Ugh. Look!"
Bernard: "Pizza. I was gonna warm and eat it later. Everybody does that. That's normal. You are looking for things to complain about!"
Manny: (showing him the box) "And what are these?"
Bernard: "Wasps"

(Black Books, Grapes of Wrath)

"Oh, we have been voting. Three of us voted for the plane, Sheldon voted for the train... so we are taking the train."

Edith: Rene! What are you doing with that serving girl?

Rene: Youuuu stuuuupid woman!

['Allo 'Allo!]

DAVE: How could you do this to me?
DEBBIE: Do what?
DAVE: Fertilise me. Take advantage of me. Knowing that I was drunk and didn't have precautions.
DEBBIE: Listen, I assumed you'd taken care of that side of things. It's the man's responsibility. It's the man who get's pregnant. It's the man who has to suffer the agony of childbirth.
ARNOLD: Agony! This gets better and better!

RedDwarf S2E6

Blackadder to Baldrick: "We are going to meet our maker. In my case god, in your case god knows."

Mark: "Sperm is like lending someone less than a fiver. You can't really ask for it back."

peepshow

Jeremy: What do you think, Super Hans?
Super Hans: Crack! Just give me crack!

[Peepshow]

Hello Umpa Lumpas of science!

Big Bang Theory s01e12