Basil Fawlty: [indicating Sybil] This - Basil's wife.
Basil Fawlty: [indicating himself] This - Basil. This - smack on head.
[smacks Manuel on the head]

Joey: "It is on how woman's purse looks so good on me, a man."
Rachel: "Exactly. Unisex."
Joey:"Maybe you need sex. I had sex couple of days ago."
Rachel: "No, no Joey. U N I sex."
Joey: "You can not say no to that."

Friends S05E13

sorry, not sitcom, but priceless :D

The Dictator, 2012:

General Aladeen:
"You go to the bathroom after Osama, you will realize the true meaning of terrorism."

"Kim Kardashian is a very nice girl, but unbelievably hairy! When I pulled her panties down, I thought I was looking in the mirror."

"I love it when women go to school. It's like seeing a monkey on roller skates -- it means nothing to them, but it's so adorable for us."


Store Customer: "God, the police are such fascist bastards."
Aladeen: "Yes, and not even in a good way."

2 Broke Girls, s01e15

Caroline: [After noticing Max is smoking one of Sophie's electric cigarettes] Max, you shouldn't smoke. You'll get...
Max: What, electrocuted? This is silly. If I'm gonna suck on something this hard and get no pleasure out of it, I should just date.

"The point I'm trying to make, you dirty son of a fetid whoremonger's bitch, is that we're friends!" - Rimmer

Judge Harm: Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated. Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.
Homer: Mmmm.. Garnish.

Sheldon: 'I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.'

(Big Bang Theory:)

Manny: "ooh, ooh, ooh"
Bernard: "what's up with you?"
Manny: "I get terrible cramp when I'm stressed"
Bernard: "So don't be stressed. Why are you stressed?"
Manny: "Because I open the fridge door there are shin bandages next to the cheese."
Bernard: "That's just a little..."
Manny: "There's jam in the bath"
Bernard: "Oh, come on!"
Manny: "You are a filth wizard, a friend only to the pig and the rat"
(Manny's opening a pizza box) Ugh. Look!"
Bernard: "Pizza. I was gonna warm and eat it later. Everybody does that. That's normal. You are looking for things to complain about!"
Manny: (showing him the box) "And what are these?"
Bernard: "Wasps"

(Black Books, Grapes of Wrath)

"Oh, we have been voting. Three of us voted for the plane, Sheldon voted for the train... so we are taking the train."

Edith: Rene! What are you doing with that serving girl?

Rene: Youuuu stuuuupid woman!

['Allo 'Allo!]

DAVE: How could you do this to me?
DEBBIE: Do what?
DAVE: Fertilise me. Take advantage of me. Knowing that I was drunk and didn't have precautions.
DEBBIE: Listen, I assumed you'd taken care of that side of things. It's the man's responsibility. It's the man who get's pregnant. It's the man who has to suffer the agony of childbirth.
ARNOLD: Agony! This gets better and better!

RedDwarf S2E6

Blackadder to Baldrick: "We are going to meet our maker. In my case god, in your case god knows."

Mark: "Sperm is like lending someone less than a fiver. You can't really ask for it back."

peepshow

Jeremy: What do you think, Super Hans?
Super Hans: Crack! Just give me crack!

[Peepshow]

Hello Umpa Lumpas of science!

Big Bang Theory s01e12

LISTER: I never fall for women who are any good for me Kryten, it's either heartbreakers or moral garbage on legs.

[RD S6E3]

Black Adder:
Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?

Baldrick
Some beans.

Black Adder:
Yes...and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?

Baldrick
A very small casserole.

Black Adder:
Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?

Baldrick
Three

Black Adder:
What?

Baldrick
And that one.

Black Adder:
Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?

Baldrick
Oh! Some beans.