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    PAVLOSComedy Zone :: Quotes from the British and American Sitcoms
    WOOK
    WOOK --- ---
    Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore, they abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with.

    (Bree Vam de Kamp, Desperate Housewives)
    PAVLOS
    PAVLOS --- ---
    Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Am I still alive?
    Bender Bending Rodríguez: I don't know and I don't care!

    (Futurama)
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    +1
    Manny: Look, look Bernard, Bernard look, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard look, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, look Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard, look, look, look Bernard, Bernard, Bernard look, look Bernard, Bernard, Bernard...
    Bernard: What!!??
    Manny: I´m a prostitute robot from the future.

    (Black Books)
    KIWWWI
    KIWWWI --- ---
    Jill: My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm over training; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day, [House looks tired] but I can't seem to lose any weight.
    Dr. House: Lift up your arms. [she does so]
    Dr. House: You have a parasite.
    Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
    Dr. House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. /she lies back, and still has her hands up]
    Dr. House: You can put your arms down.
    Jill: Can you do anything about it?
    Dr. House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states. [he starts to ultrasound her abdomen]
    Jill: Illegal?
    Dr. House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
    Jill: Playdates?
    Dr. House: [shows her the ultrasound] It has your eyes.

    /Dr. House/
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    Tina screamed for nurse. But little miss nurse didn't come. Little miss nurse was out in the backroom having a cigarette and flirting with doctor. The pain shot through her like a big bullet. She knew babies were meant to kick, but were they meant to scratch? No, they weren't.

    (Garth Marenghi)
    HASH
    HASH --- ---
    If you are up there, save me Superman !

    (Homer, S.)
    HASH
    HASH --- ---
    Jebus ! Jebus help me !
    (Homer, simps.)
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    7FLAMES: Sorry.
    7FLAMES
    7FLAMES --- ---
    Oh, and by the way, in English, please!

    (SPEEDY, Nyx)
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    Mills: Chlapi, pojďte mi udělat zeď. Nejde mi to, když se na mě Lenny dívá.
    Lenny: Tak co, chce se ti?

    (Simpsons, Homer barmanem)
    DEMENCE
    DEMENCE --- ---
    Jordan: Carla, my ex-husband is in love with you. It's true. Ask your boyfriend, he knows; he and Perry talk about it all the time. I don't know why you haven't mentioned this to her! Perhaps you're afraid of something? Huh. And Bob? When are you gonna tell Perry that that promotion you're making him jump through hoops for was filled months ago! It just seems wrong. Which brings us to Twinkie. If you don't have the courage to tell your 'colleague' Dr. Dorian that you're still crazy about him, I'm gonna go ahead and do it for ya, 'cause that's what friends do. Yeah! And finally, Perry, you are not gonna believe what happened the first time I met your little protégé, here...

    J.D.: [thinking] Oh, please God, no.

    Jordan: I slept with him... and it was good - oh! How's that for stirring things up? Have a great summer, everyone. Bye!

    (Scrubs)
    DEMENCE
    DEMENCE --- ---
    Jim Hacker: Napoleon prize?

    Bill (Foreign Secretary): Yes it's a NATO award given once every five years, big ceremony in Brussels, gold medal, £100 000. The PM's the front runner this time, it's for the statesman who's made the biggest contribution to European unity.

    Sir Humphrey: Since Napoleon, that is if you don't count Hitler.

    (Yes, Minister. On Foreign Policy)
    7FLAMES
    7FLAMES --- ---
    Bend me!

    (Bender, Futurama)
    FALLENANGEL
    FALLENANGEL --- ---
    Yes I know, but thats a different kind. There is bad asbestos, and tehre is nice asbestos.

    BB
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    Look at that poor man. Not only has he just been screwed by a giant eye, he's now giving birth.

    (Security, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace)
    TIGRE
    TIGRE --- ---
    Which one of you bitches wants to dance?
    (Bernard, BB)
    PAVLOS
    PAVLOS --- ---
    My name is Bender Bending Rodriguez!
    DRAT
    DRAT --- ---
    'It's just boobs lady, you see them in the mirror every day.' MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
    WOOK
    WOOK --- ---
    +1
    "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch."

    (Stewie Griffin, FG)
    SPEEDY
    SPEEDY --- ---
    +1
    We'll need these bananas for when the radiation turns us all into monkeys!
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