Of the 3 great composers Mozart tells us what it's like to be human,
Beethoven tells us what it's like to be Beethoven and Bach tells us
what it's like to be the universe. -- Douglas Adams


Someone made a generic comment about the snow, and we all offered a sweet nothing on the subject.


Americti archeologove nalezli v Nevadske pousti, v hloubce 10m, odpovidajici
stari 15.000 let, medeny drat. Z toho usoudili, ze jiz tehdy byl v Americe
zaveden telefon. Jejich rusti kolegove kopali u Moskvy v hloubce 20m, ktera
odpovida stari 30.000 let a nenasli vubec nic. Z toho Rusove usoudili, ze jiz
pred 30.000 lety existovalo v Rusku bezdratove spojeni.

Proč se komár tolik mračí,
proč zatíná pěstičky?
Protože ho v břiše tlačí
čtyři krevní destičky.

Chystal se už mnoho dní,
než je setnul sekerou,
dneska už ho příbuzní
ani trochu neserou.

Subject: Re: What's buried in your back yard?

> My ex-wife.
You have to check "Post Anonymously" _before_ you press submit.


Flames and theft are the two pillars of the free software movement.


By contrast, the function 0^x is quite unimportant.


Gepard se skryva ve vysoke trave. Pozoruje antilopy a derivuje.

Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble.

And so it begins. The trap is set. The prey approaches.

"Where the people fear their government, there is tyranny, where the government
fears its people, there is Liberty." - T. Jefferson

"Dobrý den."
"Alláh akbar!"
"Vaše jméno a státní příslušnost?"
"Hassan Sullej Hamar, Pákistán, tady je můj pas a vízum."
"Takže provedeme registraci telefonu na vaše jméno. Číslo bude registrováno na dobu jednoho roku, pak je potřeba registraci obnovit."
"Néé pani, napište mi to jenom na tejden, já ho pak už nebudu potřebovat."
"Dobrá, tak tady to máte, hezký den."
"Alláh akbar."

The wind was flapping a temple flag. Two monks were arguing about it. One said
the flag was moving; the other said the wind was moving. Arguing back and forth
they could come to no agreement. The Sixth Patriarch came along and said,
"It is neither the wind nor the flag that is moving. It is your mind that is moving."

Dlouho jsem si myslel, že ptáci ráno zpívaj´.
Až teprve nedávno jsem pochopil,
že vlastně řvou hrůzou, že se probudili
do dalšího dne v téhle zemi.
-- Hrabal?

<Espy> be careful, some twit might quote you
<Espy> out of context...

Excuse me but can I be you for a while?

"If you want the holes in your knowledge showing up try teaching someone."
-- Alan Cox

Nebudou se štítiti títi ti ti tiší špehové do vazu?

Nad topolem, nad jezerem, oral vodnik buldozerem.

V jednom z poslednich clanku jsme uverejnili tornu na maslo ve tvaru fazoloveho
lusku spolu s parodickym a naprosto lzivym popisem. Nenapadlo nas, ze by jej
nekdo mohl vzit vazne, coz se bohuzel stalo. Za vznikle potize a zpusobenou
ujmu se firme Feldewear, s r.o. omlouvame.

by xstonedogx (814876) [xstonedogx@gmail.com] on 30/11/04 2:28 (#10950637)

What drives me batty is people who preface every conversation to make sure I'm there.

Them: "Stone?"
Me: "Yes?"
Them: "Check out this URL."

Why can't they just start out saying "Check out this URL" and realize that I'll
check it out when I see the message? The worst of it is that those same types
usually do this:

Them: "Stone?"
Me: (Not there or ignoring IMs or sound down or what have you.)
Them: (No message, but often bring it up the next time.)

It reminds me of people waiting to hang up the phone until after the voicemail
has prompted them for a message. Why listen to the message just to hang up?

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

Next lecture on time travel will be held on previous Monday.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.

    [~]====
 (~~~~~~~)
  ooooooo

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

Only dead fish swim with the stream.

Why is it called "common sense" when nobody seems to have any?

"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way."
-- M. Twain

There are two rules to success: 1. Never tell all you know.

A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

And God said: E = 1/2mv^2 - Ze^2/r ...and there *WAS* light!

Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
-- Pablo Picasso

First law of socio-genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

The dinosaurs are extinct because they didn't have a space program.
-- Isaac Asimov

When I was in grad school I used to hang around the MIT AI Lab occasionally.
It was kind of intimidating at first. Everyone there spoke so fast. But after
a while I learned the trick of speaking fast. You don't have to think any
faster; just use twice as many words to say everything.
-- Paul Graham

Theorem: a cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails.
A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails.

We all travel forward in time.

Žijeme v elektrifikované době.
Do práce chodíme s odporem,
v práci sedíme s napětím
a když se dotkneme vedení,
tak nás kopne do prdele.

Note that I now don't respect not because you don't have your multiplication
tables memorized, but that you feel ignorance is something that needs to be
defended, rather then corrected. One of my favorite aspects of the (true)
hacker community is how little this "defense by appeal to mediocrity" is
tolerated.

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Do the Right Thing. It will gratify some people and astound the rest.
-- Mark Twain

We'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter!

"Tento film je urcen opravdu tem nejmensim detem."
Po filmu Jan Trnka prohodi ke svemu sousedovi:
"Takhle maly deti snad ani nejsou."

Ruch's Theorem: Behind every great writer there lies a disgruntled father, a
bemused law professor, and a grandmother cheerfully steeped in the unreal.